I made a chart of my weight

I did something today I've been wanting to do for some time now...I created a graph of my weight. My mom mentioned that she did this and even showed us during one of our Chubby Club meetings. I thought it was an excellent idea to track weight and was surprised I'd never thought of it. That is how my recording began, back in July of 1995.

I have 14 years of data, the first two years it was every week and then it got sporadic. The neat thing about the graph is I can see exactly where I've gained weight and how much. I was thinnest and happiest when I was focusing on me and taking time out for just me. When I included another person - friend, husband, boyfriend or child - I would eat and gain weight. Somehow I think I need to find a balance for including people in my life without feeling like I'm giving myself up. I don't even know where to begin doing that.

The two times in the last fourteen years that I've been thinnest is when I was walking and practicing yoga every day and the other was after my ex left but before my boyfriend moved in. I would walk alone, at dawn, and loved it. I gave it up when my ex left because my new job started at 4am. No more walking before the world woke up. I want to put that back into my life at some point. I keep saying that, but have done nothing to reintegrate it. Same with yoga. There was a local yoga show on every weekday and I loved it! I would tape it every day and follow it, so I got about a half hour of yoga in five days a week. I loved that so much! Then the show went off the air and I haven't found a suitable replacement yet. I miss it very much. But apparently not enough to find the time for it daily.

Then when I lived with just me and my boys I was thinner and happy. I loved having all the hours of the day to myself. I didn't eat when I wasn't hungry and I could just be me, without thinking about how others saw me. I don't know if I can explain this really well, but when I was the only adult in the house I no longer felt the need to alter my mood for anyone, think about how anyone feels or explain to anyone what was going on inside my head. I could do the things I wanted, like making a weight graph, without fear of ridicule. Not that I would be ridiculed, I just want to keep it private. I like having a whole private world that no one knows about. I like that I could do as I pleased. Why can't I while in a relationship/friendship? I have no idea.