Small changes

Well, I've stopped counting my calories for now and stopped making my daymaps. I was getting to the point of being stressed out over what I eat, how much I eat, and when I eat that I thought it would be good to stop tracking for a while. Maybe it'll be good, maybe not. I know that when I don't pay attention I eat more, but hopefully I can regain the thinking I had when I lost all the weight after the book Diets Don't Work. Somehow I had managed to stop filling any emptiness with food at that time, and that's what I hope to regain.

Martha Beck writes and article for O Magazine every month and this month the subject was....weight loss! She mentioned her book The Four Day Win and also gave some additional strategies for dealing with food. She calls it the "So Far" Technique. Very briefly, it goes like this: S is for stop - whenever you are anxious you just stop for a second. O is for open - open yourself up. F is for forgive - forgive yourself and think of things you and your body have done right. A is for accept - drop all resistance to things as they are right now. R is for renew - renew your commitment to any eating plan you like. This is the first article I have ever torn out of a magazine and kept. I refer back to it frequently and have been practicing her technique. Well, in stages.

First I just learned to be aware of when I am feeling anxious, upset, or stressed. That was a bit deal for me. Now I can feel it around my eyes and mouth where I tense up a lot. Consciously opening up and relaxing was the next stage for me and I picked up on that one very quickly. The forgiveness part took the longest. Sometimes it's hard to remember what my body has done well and think of things that I have succeeded at. The accepting stage I've only just started on. It's a bit odd to think of just giving up my resistance to the world. I have fought my weight for so long that it's just become my way of existing. But to just give up and accept that things are as they are...that's new. So I haven't gotten to the renew stage yet, but I will.

I want my life to stop being about weight loss. I want to just live and enjoy myself and feel good in my body. There have been times in my past that I've felt that way and it was so freeing. There have been some small changes so far, like not caring what size I wear for the moment or not overeating when I have the opportunity. I would like these small changes to become permanent and get out of this rut I've put myself in. Food is not comfort, it is fuel. That's what I feel like I need to remember.