Brain....Disengaged

I did try getting up earlier to practice yoga before work, but I couldn't do it every day. It's been so cold out and my car has had trouble starting so I've been using my morning time on my car. And apparently making excuses :) I love the way yoga makes me feel and when I did get five to ten minutes a day in before work, my posture was so much better! So I will make more of an effort to get up a little earlier this next week.

One thing that was odd today was how I ate a doughnut completely unconsciously. It's payday and the boss brings doughnuts. I saw the doughnuts arrive with him and started thinking about whether or not to have one. I told myself that I could have a doughnut now or be thinner later. Instant gratification vs. long term rewards. After thinking about it and realizing my body wasn't screaming for a doughnut I decided to skip my doughnut on break regardless of any ribbing from my coworkers.

About an hour later, one coworker told me they were taking break and asked if I wanted to join them. I thought about it for a moment...actually, my mind was blank and I couldn't think of a reason to say no so I went on break. I got upstairs, looked at the doughnuts and chose one. Something nagged at me but I didn't know what it was. I sat down and looked at the colorful sprinkles on my doughnut and tucked into it. Most of the way through eating it, I remembered that I decided not to eat one today! And - I was thinking to myself while eating it that the icing was too thick and too sweet and kept eating anyway. Where was my brain? Did I lose my mind in that hour? Why couldn't I remember the deal I'd made with myself?

I thought of Martha Beck saying my brain was like a predator and my body was like prey. Any time my body felt like it may be attacked it would sneak the food in. So then I thought "what is making me uncomfortable?" My brain was obviously disengaged from my body so my body had taken over and sought out comfort food. I thought about break time and realized there is one coworker I don't like very much. She's very passive-aggressive and is currently annoyed with me. I feel uncomfortable sitting across the table from her and her snootiness. She comes on break with me and another coworker almost all the time so I feel a bit like I can't avoid her. But I can. I can take my break separately from them. Yes, I'd be alone on break, but that's not a bad thing. Too bad it's Friday today, I'll need to remind myself how I feel and take a separate break on Monday. Then I can see if that makes any difference. Once I have my eating under control a bit I can take my break with this one person again. Or more accurately, once I feel like I can handle being around her without needing to eat extra food then I can take my break with her.

I did get on the elliptical four times in the last week - that's very good for me! I get tired and sore after work so some days it's just too hard to get a bunch of cardio in. Luckily, Martha Beck suggested doing different levels of exercise each day. She suggests four levels - 1. fidgeting, 2. walking at a 'shopping' pace, 3. work up a bit of sweat and 4. maximum cardio that you can handle. Or something like that. Anyway, I did my best to keep moving even when I was sore and tired.