Emotional Eating

I've been doing ok at work this week. I have taken my breaks alone a couple of times already and it was good. Not great, but good.

I've been very good about getting on the elliptical lately, except today. I was in a good mood when I got home from work. All day I'd planned to use the elliptical right after work, keep the rhythm going, you know? Anyway, I was on it for less than ten minutes when my cell phone rang. A friend of mine is going through a separation and as much as I want to help her out, I really wanted to finish my exercise and indulge in some time to myself. So I ignored the call at the time (I called her back after my shower and talked to her until the kids got home from school.) and kept striding away. Then I looked out my window and saw my landlord's car pull up. Well that was just enough for me. I got off the machine and went into the shower. I really missed the full workout though. I didn't realize how much I was liking it until I took it away from myself. Sometimes I want to hide in my own house to keep people away.

I was reading on the Internet somewhere that weight loss is a simple idea often made difficult. The article went on to say that calories are just calories, they are all equal. After everything else that has been said about good and bad calories, this is a refreshing viewpoint for me. I have no idea if it's true or not. I don't know if there are bad calories or good ones, but I do know that my body needs calories to function every day. So if I make good food choices like less prepackaged and processed stuff and more fresh stuff then I should be ok. If I eat less and move more then I should lose weight. It's just the emotional eating that's got me stumped for now.

I used to have a chocolate bar every single day. At least one, as many as four or five. I love chocolate. I have been eating chocolate bars since about grade five, so almost 30 years. Well, I haven't had a chocolate bar in quite some time now. I was eating chocolates before Christmas, but no bars. I thought I was doing very well until I realized I was replacing chocolate bars with cookies. Oh yes, I've been having cookies every single day. As many as six a day. Not that many, some might say, but it's the idea that I've replaced chocolate with cookies. Now what if I replaced cookies with fresh fruit? I eat the cookies for dessert after supper. What if I had fresh fruit instead of cookies? Would I be satisfied? What emotional need are cookies filling? Would I panic at the thought of no cookies? I'm already making excuses to have just one cookie so I know I'm not ready to give them up yet. I think I need to read Martha Beck's book again soon. I need to get rid of the emotional connection to food.