More veggies, please

I've decided to try something new. I'm going to do my best to eat a lot more fruits and vegetables.

In the past I'd come up with this idea but thought it would be too expensive to buy a lot of produce so I didn't do it. Also, I couldn't come up with any good recipes that would be satisfying. And, my ex would not have eaten it (although he didn't eat with me and the kids anyway) neither would my kids. Ok. Those are all just excuses. I had sort of tried eating more veggies before but got sick of the same thing over and over and over.

Eating way more veggies and fruit was partly because of what I saw on Oprah with Dr Oz. The guests on the show (living past 100 years) ate veggies. I didn't see any processed food in the backgrounds. One guy was eating a diet called Calorie Restriction, which involves a lot of produce, and that was the guest that had my boyfriend interested. He asked if I would consider a Calorie Restriction diet mostly for the energy that the guest said he found. I thought about it and decided that it probably wouldn't work. I mean, I eat for emotional reasons so putting me on a restricted diet that I didn't choose would just cause me to eat boatloads of chocolate. That and the idea of counting calories makes me feel like I'm not getting enough food which would also cause the chocolate overload.

Some time ago I read the book In Defense of Food which also prompted this change in eating for me. The main message of the book is eat food, mostly plants, not too much. So eat real food that you can identify (not chemicals and ingredients you can't pronounce), eat vegetarian (meat is a condiment not a main course) and not too much (pay attention to your stomach's physical level of fullness). All of this made sense, but it seemed like too big of a task to completely switch my eating habits.

So today I went to Safeway and bought every fruit and veggie that looked good. As well, I bought some nuts, pita bread and hummus. I recently read that hummus can be used as a spread - I never thought of that! For my after-work snack I had a salad in a pita with hummus spread inside. It was so good! And mostly filling. I'm hungry now, but it's suppertime. I have the next four days off work and I plan to see if I can change my eating habits for the better. I plan on having fruit for breakfast with a little bit of nuts and Kashi cereal sprinkled on top and a bit of yogurt. Lunch can be another yummy pita salad. I don't know about supper yet. Today I'm making stir fry.

What I'm hoping for is the ability to eat a lot more fresh fruit and veggies and less processed stuff. I will most likely be consulting my computer for recipes a lot this weekend :)

Weight loss plan

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking about what kind of weight loss plan I want to follow. The 4 Day Win is helping to teach me strategies on how to stop eating for emotional reasons, but I still feel like I need some sort of plan to follow in order to be successful.

One thing that has me thinking is the idea that the way I deal with my finances is similar to the way I deal with my weight. Both subjects involve unconscious behaviour, both can be out of control and both relate to my emotions.

Three months ago I started a new budget plan that has been successful so far. I took a minute to note what was successful with my budget and came up with:

- I made a budget plan that is realistic and reasonable
- I recognized two weak spots and dealt with them right away, they were 1) get the credit cards out of my wallet so I can't purchase things on impulse and 2) always have a list when I go out and only buy what is on the list and nothing else
- I set up a blog about my finances (I'll link it another time) and have been honest about all entries. This helps keep me honest in daily spending, I know I have to report it so I keep myself in check.
- and I saw results almost immediately. I had set the budget up that if there is any money not budgeted or in excess of what I budgeted then it goes into the savings account immediately. That way I can see the savings build, literally by the penny.

So if all this worked for my budget...would it work for my weight? The single most successful thing I've done to lose weight in the past (successful? but I've gained weight since and never kept it off...anyway, I was able to lose weight) is concentrate on only eating for hunger. This concept was first introduced to me in 1995 with my family's Chubby Club. When I started I would ask myself if I was hungry before I ate. Every single time. And it worked. I lost 40 lbs without any major stress. I would just remind myself that eating is only for when I'm hungry and I would do my best to eat only what I was hungry for. But then I got pregnant and wasn't able to eat very well (I was sick every day of the pregnancy) and then my gall bladder came out nine months after the baby was born. Without the gall bladder I found food didn't hurt and I forgot to make sure I was actually hungry with each mouthful.

Then my ex left and I ate only when I was hungry. I lost 10 lbs without even thinking about it. I remember wondering why my underwear was so big - did it stretch in the laundry? - and why my bra had baggy cups. I weighed myself and found I'd lost weight without intending to. I was happier with my ex gone and had no reason to eat my emotions.

Ok, here we are now. I weigh 146 lbs which is close to what I'd weighed when my ex left. My heaviest was 169 lbs at Christmas '07, so I've lost a total of 23 lbs so far. That's excellent to me :) But I still want to get past this unconscious emotional eating thing. I'm tired of remembering after I eat to eat only when I'm hungry.

What I've come up with so far is to continue with mediation every day. Keep my head as level as I can. Also, I have been remembering to go to the place of the Watcher right before I eat. Sort of like saying Grace first. That way I can focus on what I'm putting in my mouth and how full I feel with each bite.

As a side note: I did the Watcher this morning with breakfast and felt almost full and satisfied after one packet of oatmeal and a half an apple. Then I went out to run errands and ate at Tim Horton's. I was starting to get really hungry but I knew not to order a whole whack of food. Instead I ordered one of their new snack wraps and a water. I ate the snack wrap while practicing being the Watcher. No problem. But as soon as I was done I craved more food! I wasn't hungry, but I wanted to eat more! I ate in my car because the restaurant was busy, but I knew if I'd been in the restaurant I'd've ordered some donuts or cookies. So why did I feel like eating after I was done eating? Every time I licked my lips I could taste the salt and the water quenched my thirst but not my craving to eat. It was so odd. I went on the rest of my errands and constantly thought about eating. My last stop was Safeway for milk and I sought out the Cadbury mini creme eggs and bought a big bag. When I got home I had six of them. Without being the Watcher or paying attention to how they make me feel. And now the craving to eat is gone. So, why didn't I want to eat after the oatmeal and apple? Why only after Tim Horton's? This is something I definitely need to keep an eye on.

Anyway, I will do my best to remember to be the Watcher every time I eat. That way I'm eating consciously and I'm questioning whether or not I'm hungry with each bite. This has worked before, but I didn't keep it up. I will also continue with meditation every day to teach my body that I will not hurt it and instead nurture it. That way my body will behave less like prey around my preditor brain.

I understand now that there is no temporary diet solution, it is a permanent battle (?) that I'm going to have to face. It's not like when I quit smoking and I was able to stay out of places that were smoking (everywhere is non-smoking now, I love that!) in order to help deal with the cravings. I have to eat. I must keep my body running. So I must be mindful every day, every time I eat, for the rest of my life so I don't become morbidly obese. Again.

More emotional eating

I've been looking around at people and am becoming quite discouraged about losing weight permanently. There is this woman at work who lost over 50 lbs....but has gained it back plus some. My boss was counting his calories religiously and lost about 30 lbs....and is beginning to gain it back. My sister is talking about a weight loss program that worked for her before...but is now at her heaviest weight ever. Who has kept it off permanently? Will I be able to?

This last week I have been depressed and so I ignored any exercise and ate whenever I felt like it. I lost a pound. Good right? But my fear is that I'll fall into the same trap as I have before. I've lost weight but as soon as I forget to keep it in the front of my mind I gain it back.

A good example of that was in '95 when I lost over 40 lbs without even trying. I'd read that book Diets Don't Work and understood that I was eating for emotional reasons. But as soon as I forgot to question whether or not I was hungry, and as soon as I relaxed into thinking I would be thin forever...I gained it back. Plus some.

I am working very hard on the Four Day Win and would like to change my thinking and brain connections so that I will be healthy and fit - without stressing about it. Is it possible?

I only crave it if I know it's around

I seem to be stuck here at 147 lbs. This was about the weight I was four years ago when my marriage broke up...and then I lost about 15 lbs without even trying. That's when I realized how truly unhappy I was in the marriage and how freed I felt when my ex left. Now here I am, back at 147 lbs. And really, overall I've lost 29 lbs since January 2008 when I was my heaviest at 169 lbs. Which is really good - I just feel stalled.

I haven't read much more of the 4 Day Win lately either. I've been avoiding being The Watcher and I don't want to move on in the book until I've actually mastered (or at least done for 4 days) each step. Since this one is vital to succeeding in weight loss I want to take my time at it. One other thing I've been reminding myself to do is tell myself that it is only a chemical imbalance in my brain causing me to want to eat when I'm not hungry. Most of the time I remember but sometimes it slips by me and I eat anyway.

Like the other day I was at Safeway buying supper stuff and came upon the chocolate eggs. Ok, I actually sought out the aisle with the chocolate eggs. Anyway, I bought a bag and took them home and put them in a bowl. Then I sat at the computer and ate about ten before I realized I really didn't want them. And I didn't want them when I first saw them either. So why did I buy them? Habit. Emotional eating.

Well, today my son came home with a chocolate bar and I asked for a bit of it. He gave me one finger of the Kit Kat and I took a bite before remembering not to eat if I'm not hungry. So I threw the rest of it in the garbage. I didn't want it anyway...I only wanted it after I saw it.

And that is one part of Martha Beck's book that I remember disagreeing with a bit. She says to keep all your favorite 'forbidden' foods around so that you don't create a sense of deprivation. Ok, I can see that. But if I see it I eat it on autopilot. If I don't see it I won't necessarily crave it. And if it's not in the house then I have to think harder about the craving, so instead of just going to the cupboard and taking a stack of cookies, I need to really think about whether I want the cookies for hunger or emotion. And then I have to go out and buy them. At the moment there are no cookies, candies, chocolate or treats in the house and I don't feel deprived at all. I know I can just run out to the corner store and buy whatever I want pretty much whenever I want.

Maybe that's what I need to do: stop stocking the house with goodies for a while. Just keep them out altogether until I feel more like I've mastered being The Watcher and paying attention to hunger/emotional hunger. As soon as I crave them, I'll just tell myself it's only a chemical imbalance causing the craving and not hunger. It has worked a bit so far...maybe it'll work better if I keep at it.