Well, I've stopped counting my calories for now and stopped making my daymaps. I was getting to the point of being stressed out over what I eat, how much I eat, and when I eat that I thought it would be good to stop tracking for a while. Maybe it'll be good, maybe not. I know that when I don't pay attention I eat more, but hopefully I can regain the thinking I had when I lost all the weight after the book Diets Don't Work. Somehow I had managed to stop filling any emptiness with food at that time, and that's what I hope to regain.
Martha Beck writes and article for O Magazine every month and this month the subject was....weight loss! She mentioned her book The Four Day Win and also gave some additional strategies for dealing with food. She calls it the "So Far" Technique. Very briefly, it goes like this: S is for stop - whenever you are anxious you just stop for a second. O is for open - open yourself up. F is for forgive - forgive yourself and think of things you and your body have done right. A is for accept - drop all resistance to things as they are right now. R is for renew - renew your commitment to any eating plan you like. This is the first article I have ever torn out of a magazine and kept. I refer back to it frequently and have been practicing her technique. Well, in stages.
First I just learned to be aware of when I am feeling anxious, upset, or stressed. That was a bit deal for me. Now I can feel it around my eyes and mouth where I tense up a lot. Consciously opening up and relaxing was the next stage for me and I picked up on that one very quickly. The forgiveness part took the longest. Sometimes it's hard to remember what my body has done well and think of things that I have succeeded at. The accepting stage I've only just started on. It's a bit odd to think of just giving up my resistance to the world. I have fought my weight for so long that it's just become my way of existing. But to just give up and accept that things are as they are...that's new. So I haven't gotten to the renew stage yet, but I will.
I want my life to stop being about weight loss. I want to just live and enjoy myself and feel good in my body. There have been times in my past that I've felt that way and it was so freeing. There have been some small changes so far, like not caring what size I wear for the moment or not overeating when I have the opportunity. I would like these small changes to become permanent and get out of this rut I've put myself in. Food is not comfort, it is fuel. That's what I feel like I need to remember.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
I actually skipped a donut
Hey...I've discovered something...when I eat on my break at work I only eat what I brought. I have learned what a portion size is and have made my parfaits and salad pita/wraps to include about a cup of food. On my break, I only eat that and nothing else. Partly because it takes all of my break to finish it and partly because it's easy to stop eating when it's time to stop eating. When my break is over I go back to work. Since I'm not allowed to eat on the job I have to wait until my next break to eat.
When I get home there is no clear dividing line for when to eat and when to stop. If I portion out my food, sometimes I will eat more anyway. My workday is so structured that I don't have the time to eat randomly so I've learned to be full after fifteen minutes. At home I need to rely on my willpower to stop eating at one portion or within fifteen minutes. I could also just go and do something else that makes it difficult to eat, like gardening, scrapbooking or some craft. But really, my entertainment is frequently tv and computer. I can eat boatloads in front of a screen.
Maybe I should treat home life like work life and only allow for fifteen minute eating. I wonder if that would cause a Polar bear effect.
One good thing was that I avoided eating any donuts on payday! I don't think I've ever not had a donut when they are there. Most of the time I take one (or two) and eat it before I realize what I'm doing, but this time I saw the donuts and thought to eat my salad wrap first. But by the time I was done the salad wrap I didn't have any break time left for a donut, so I thought of having one after work. By the time I was done work, the donuts were stale and yucky so I didn't take one. Yay me!
When I get home there is no clear dividing line for when to eat and when to stop. If I portion out my food, sometimes I will eat more anyway. My workday is so structured that I don't have the time to eat randomly so I've learned to be full after fifteen minutes. At home I need to rely on my willpower to stop eating at one portion or within fifteen minutes. I could also just go and do something else that makes it difficult to eat, like gardening, scrapbooking or some craft. But really, my entertainment is frequently tv and computer. I can eat boatloads in front of a screen.
Maybe I should treat home life like work life and only allow for fifteen minute eating. I wonder if that would cause a Polar bear effect.
One good thing was that I avoided eating any donuts on payday! I don't think I've ever not had a donut when they are there. Most of the time I take one (or two) and eat it before I realize what I'm doing, but this time I saw the donuts and thought to eat my salad wrap first. But by the time I was done the salad wrap I didn't have any break time left for a donut, so I thought of having one after work. By the time I was done work, the donuts were stale and yucky so I didn't take one. Yay me!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Only 1200 a day?
I've still been counting calories and I find it a bit helpful. I mean, it's good to know what I'm putting in my mouth all the time, but it's difficult sometimes to stay on track anyway.
I read in the newspaper today that the average woman only needs 1200 calories a day. Seriously! That would be half of what I eat in a day so I've been keeping it to below 2000/day. Mostly. Restaurants are the most difficult - their portion sizes are huge! I ate at Red Robin recently and my burger alone was over 1100 calories. That's just ridiculously big. Good burger though :)
The other problem I have is, of course, emotional eating. I ate a slice of cake today even though I wasn't really hungry for it. Actually, I liked the first bit that I had. It satisfied my want of chocolate. But I didn't need to eat the rest of the slice just because it was sitting in front of me. I totally Polar-beared it, according to Martha Beck. I ate the cake too fast to see what I really wanted. My mind was on auto pilot and even though I told myself I could walk away from it, I still ate it. So I still need to work on that. Sigh.
I read in the newspaper today that the average woman only needs 1200 calories a day. Seriously! That would be half of what I eat in a day so I've been keeping it to below 2000/day. Mostly. Restaurants are the most difficult - their portion sizes are huge! I ate at Red Robin recently and my burger alone was over 1100 calories. That's just ridiculously big. Good burger though :)
The other problem I have is, of course, emotional eating. I ate a slice of cake today even though I wasn't really hungry for it. Actually, I liked the first bit that I had. It satisfied my want of chocolate. But I didn't need to eat the rest of the slice just because it was sitting in front of me. I totally Polar-beared it, according to Martha Beck. I ate the cake too fast to see what I really wanted. My mind was on auto pilot and even though I told myself I could walk away from it, I still ate it. So I still need to work on that. Sigh.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Empty calories
Since I've started counting calories, I've been noticing what 'empty calories' are. These are calories that do absolutely nothing to fill me up. You'd think I'd've known that but somehow I missed what it actually meant.
So today I had my salad wrap and it was around 250 calories. I would have been totally satisfied but had a donut anyway. That donut was 260 calories. I wasn't overfull from eating it, I didn't feel stuffed or uncomfortable. But I was mostly full from my salad wrap and would have been fine if I'd stopped eating right there. Juice is another culprit of empty calories. I had a glass and it tasted very good, but it was 100 calories. It felt somehow that I'd wasted my calories on something that was tasty but not really usable by my body.
After keeping track of my calories for about three weeks, I discovered I eat an average of 2600 calories a day. No problem. So I thought "I wonder if I can keep my calories to under 2000 for a while"...so I started that four days ago and I've actually been successful! I am honestly surprised at the idea that I can eat less and not be hungry. Well, ok, maybe a little hungry but it's at the times I eat anyway. So before, was I eating even though I wasn't hungry? Probably.
The other side effect to keeping track of calories is that I don't want to put any unwanted calories in my stomach. Three times at work one girl gave me candies. The first one went in my mouth out of habit, but I spit it out less than halfway through. The other two times I tossed them without eating them. Why take them then? Because I don't want to deal with the usual feigned shock people give when I refuse candy/sweets. I work in a bakery and we make some excellent dough. One type is chocolate with chocolate chips in it and it tastes like cookie dough. I always used to filch a bit of dough and eat it, but this time when we made it I stayed away from it. One coworker made fun of me and kept asking if I felt ok. Like something must be horribly wrong for me to refuse the dough. And yes, I've done the same thing to other people so I'm not complaining about it, just noticing that it does happen to me as well.
Anyway the other thing I've turned away is whipped ganache. The people at work know I love, love, love the stuff so they give me the whip to carry to the washing area. It's like getting to lick the beaters when making cake, times about 100 because the whip is huge :) So the last couple of times, I've carried the whip to the sink but not eaten any of the ganache. I just set the whip down to be washed and then went and washed my hands. People still think I lick the whip, but I don't. Well, I haven't lately.
Now I'm starting to see food as calories and check in with myself as to whether or not I'll eat something. I don't know if this will work long term or not, but it's working for now. Right now I give myself treats like cookies or a bit of candy, but I pay attention to how much I eat and never, ever beat myself up if I eat a bit of extra something. And I still have been keeping my calories to below 2000/day. The other thing I consider is whether or not this food will fill me for the number of calories it has. I could eat eight cookies totaling 680 calories and not feel full. Or I could eat my fruit parfait with 150 calories and be satisfied.
Hey, that's another thing I'd forgotten about: the difference between full and satisfied. For some reason I'd been thinking that I was done eating when my stomach had that full feeling. You know, a little heavy but not super stuffed. I don't know exactly where I got that idea from, but that's how I figured I was done eating. Now I'm done eating when my portion is done, or after I feel satisfied but before the full feeling. I've been learning how big my fruit parfait needs to be (1 cup of fruit, 1/8 cup yogurt and a little less than 1/4 cup of nuts/granola) and how big my salad pita/wrap should be (1 cup salad, 1tbsp hummus and 1 wrap/pita) and these sizes actually satisfy me! Now don't get me wrong, I could eat two wraps or 4 cups of fruit, but that would be over eating. For me, anyway.
Now that I'm not filling myself to Just Below Bursting, I find I can actually feel hunger. And it's normal hunger, not urgent eat-my-own-arm hunger. Interesting that I'm learning not to panic when I have less food, and not to panic when the portion is done, and to listen to what my body really wants to eat.
So today I had my salad wrap and it was around 250 calories. I would have been totally satisfied but had a donut anyway. That donut was 260 calories. I wasn't overfull from eating it, I didn't feel stuffed or uncomfortable. But I was mostly full from my salad wrap and would have been fine if I'd stopped eating right there. Juice is another culprit of empty calories. I had a glass and it tasted very good, but it was 100 calories. It felt somehow that I'd wasted my calories on something that was tasty but not really usable by my body.
After keeping track of my calories for about three weeks, I discovered I eat an average of 2600 calories a day. No problem. So I thought "I wonder if I can keep my calories to under 2000 for a while"...so I started that four days ago and I've actually been successful! I am honestly surprised at the idea that I can eat less and not be hungry. Well, ok, maybe a little hungry but it's at the times I eat anyway. So before, was I eating even though I wasn't hungry? Probably.
The other side effect to keeping track of calories is that I don't want to put any unwanted calories in my stomach. Three times at work one girl gave me candies. The first one went in my mouth out of habit, but I spit it out less than halfway through. The other two times I tossed them without eating them. Why take them then? Because I don't want to deal with the usual feigned shock people give when I refuse candy/sweets. I work in a bakery and we make some excellent dough. One type is chocolate with chocolate chips in it and it tastes like cookie dough. I always used to filch a bit of dough and eat it, but this time when we made it I stayed away from it. One coworker made fun of me and kept asking if I felt ok. Like something must be horribly wrong for me to refuse the dough. And yes, I've done the same thing to other people so I'm not complaining about it, just noticing that it does happen to me as well.
Anyway the other thing I've turned away is whipped ganache. The people at work know I love, love, love the stuff so they give me the whip to carry to the washing area. It's like getting to lick the beaters when making cake, times about 100 because the whip is huge :) So the last couple of times, I've carried the whip to the sink but not eaten any of the ganache. I just set the whip down to be washed and then went and washed my hands. People still think I lick the whip, but I don't. Well, I haven't lately.
Now I'm starting to see food as calories and check in with myself as to whether or not I'll eat something. I don't know if this will work long term or not, but it's working for now. Right now I give myself treats like cookies or a bit of candy, but I pay attention to how much I eat and never, ever beat myself up if I eat a bit of extra something. And I still have been keeping my calories to below 2000/day. The other thing I consider is whether or not this food will fill me for the number of calories it has. I could eat eight cookies totaling 680 calories and not feel full. Or I could eat my fruit parfait with 150 calories and be satisfied.
Hey, that's another thing I'd forgotten about: the difference between full and satisfied. For some reason I'd been thinking that I was done eating when my stomach had that full feeling. You know, a little heavy but not super stuffed. I don't know exactly where I got that idea from, but that's how I figured I was done eating. Now I'm done eating when my portion is done, or after I feel satisfied but before the full feeling. I've been learning how big my fruit parfait needs to be (1 cup of fruit, 1/8 cup yogurt and a little less than 1/4 cup of nuts/granola) and how big my salad pita/wrap should be (1 cup salad, 1tbsp hummus and 1 wrap/pita) and these sizes actually satisfy me! Now don't get me wrong, I could eat two wraps or 4 cups of fruit, but that would be over eating. For me, anyway.
Now that I'm not filling myself to Just Below Bursting, I find I can actually feel hunger. And it's normal hunger, not urgent eat-my-own-arm hunger. Interesting that I'm learning not to panic when I have less food, and not to panic when the portion is done, and to listen to what my body really wants to eat.
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